When someone continues to be critical in your presence, that can lead to self-doubt. It can cause you to start asking yourself: “What’s wrong with me?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, “Why is this happening to me?”, or “Why am I not good enough?”.
The problem here lies in being indirectly conditioned to focus on the false reality that has been painted for you, which is “There’s something wrong with me”. It can make sense because if someone is pointing out a flaw, then it must be true, and it must mean that something needs fixing, and that something is less than ideal. However, in most cases, the flaw is false, or irrelevant if true.
This brings us to a very important point, even if the flaw is important to be addressed, it’s usually not their right to share it with you without your permission.
If someone gives you advice that involves criticism without asking for your permission first, that reveals a desperate need that they have to convey significance, which reveals an emotional wound they’re continuing to carry.
Their criticism doesn’t reveal what you need to fix, but what they need to heal. In other words, criticizing you doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, it just means that there’s something painful in them.
-Sam Qureshi
