Teri justuju mein nikle to ajab saraab dekhe
تیری جستجو میں نکلے تو عجب سراب دیکھے
Kabhi shab ko din kaha, kabhi din ko khwab dekhe
کبھی شب کو دن کہا، کبھی دن کو خواب دیکھے
Mujhe dekhna ho jisko mere haal par na jaye
مجھے دیکھنا ہو جس کو میرے حال پر نہ جائے
Mera zauk o shauq dekhe, mera intikhaab dekhe
میرا ذوق و شوق دیکھے، میرا انتخاب دیکھے
By choosing to be realistic, we are limiting our imagination of what’s possible.
By limiting our imagination of what’s possible, we limit the potential reality we can create. In this context, reality would mean solutions to problems, healthy relationships with others, achievement of desired outcomes, effortless engagement with the world around us, and a deep sense of safety and peace within.
When it comes to problem solving, the more permission we give ourselves to be unrealistic with the solutions we come up with, the more likely we are to break any existing limitations in that moment, that may prevent us from accessing our creativity, in a way that allows us to find a definitive solution.
When it comes to goal setting, it’s not about having a realistic dream. It’s about having an unrealistic dream with a realistic plan. In other words, realism needs to be utilized at the right time; and in this case, it would be after giving ourselves unconditional permission to imagine and internally create.
Realism contaminates goals when it interferes with our ability to unapologetically express the truth about what we want. However, if we use it to express the truth about our current reality and how we feel, and to craft a plan to achieve our dreams, then realism can accelerate our progress instead of impede it.
-Sam Qureshi
Tum jaanti ho Sofia is zindagi mein mujhe sab se zyada kis cheez se dar lagta hai
تم جانتی ہو صوفیا اس زندگی میں مجھے سب سے زیادہ کس چیز سے ڈر لگتا ہے
Na beemari se na tanhaayi se na hi khud maut se
نہ بیماری سے نہ تنہائی سے نہ ہی خود موت سے
Balkay is khayaal se ke poori zindagi yun hi guzar jaye
بلکہ اس خیال سے کہ پوری زندگی یوں ہی گزر جائے
Baghair kisi haqeeqi ehsas ke baghair is baat ka idraak kiye ke main waqai zinda tha
بغیر کسی حقیقی احساس کے بغیر اس بات کا ادراک کیے کہ میں واقعی زندہ تھا
Kisi din jaag kar yeh sochna ke maine kabhi dil se nahi hansa
کسی دن جاگ کر یہ سوچنا کہ میں نے کبھی دل سے نہیں ہنسا
Deewana waar mohabbat nahi ki dard se cheekha nahi roya nahi
دیوانہ وار محبت نہیں کی درد سے چیخا نہیں رویا نہیں
Ke zindagi bas ek yaksaa silsila rahi
کہ زندگی بس ایک یکساں سلسلہ رہی
Jis mein na koi hairat thi na koi jazba na koi shiddat
جس میں نہ کوئی حیرت تھی نہ کوئی جذبہ نہ کوئی شدت
Ke meri ragoon mein zindagi hi nahi thi
کہ میری رگوں میں زندگی ہی نہیں تھی
Kya yeh asal maut nahi
کیا یہ اصل موت نہیں
The Nun – Anton Chekhov se iqtibaas
دی نون – انتون چیخوف سے اقتباس
Chalo Mohsin mohabbat ki nai bunyaad rakhte hain
چلو محسن محبت کی نئی بنیاد رکھتے ہیں
Khud paband rehte hain usay azaad rakhte hain
خود پابند رہتے ہیں اُسے آزاد رکھتے ہیں
Hamare khoon mein Rab ne yahi taseer rakhi hai
ہمارے خون میں رب نے یہی تاثیر رکھی ہے
Burai bhool jaate hain, achhai yaad rakhte hain
برائی بھول جاتے ہیں، اچھائی یاد رکھتے ہیں
Mohabbat mein kahin hum se gustakhi na ho jaaye
محبت میں کہیں ہم سے گستاخی نہ ہوجائے
Hum apna har qadam us ke qadam ke baad rakhte hain
ہم اپنا ہر قدم اُس کے قدم کے بعد رکھتے ہیں
Kindness is not weakness. Unfortunately, many of us have learned to avoid practicing kindness out of fear of its misinterpretation.
One of the reasons for this reservation is the epidemic of people-pleasing that stems from emotional wounds that lead to this mass fawning as an adaptation.
Fawning is one of the four fight or flight responses. To be honest, it’s more of a reaction than it is a response. It’s a form of submission in an attempt to avoid the potential threat. In this case, the threat would be abuse or abandonment.
The tragedy here is because it works so well in avoiding threats, or at least minimizing the pain that may be inflicted by a threat, it becomes, unconsciously, a compelling behavior to adopt. More importantly, it’s effectiveness can blind us from seeing the gradual destructive impact it has on our mental health.
What it indirectly enables is the avoidance of authenticity out of fear of the consequences of being authentic. By fawning, we are compromising our integrity, and detaching from our authentic self.
The solution is not to avoid kindness out of fear of pain, but to embrace it in spite of the potential pain, and enforce our boundaries when our compassionate actions are misinterpreted as an invitation for abuse.
-Sam Qureshi
When people violate our boundaries, whether it’s intentional or not, they are demonstrating pain and fear. The actions of others don’t reveal who they are; they reveal the emotions they feel.
We are emotional beings that are driven by how we feel. What we want to pursue, and what we want to avoid are both determined by how we feel.
We sometimes make the mistake of defining a person by their actions, when they might just be temporary expressions of pain.
We unintentionally condition others to repeat an action through defining them by it. An act of laziness doesn’t make the person lazy, and an act of evasiveness doesn’t make the person a coward; but the moment someone believes through social conditioning that they are what they do, their actions become their identity.
If I define myself by my behavior, then my behavior becomes my identity. Once it becomes my identity, it becomes much harder to change. The reason for that is simple: in order for me to change what I do, I now have to change who I am. As a result, change becomes a much bigger task. After all, behavior is simple and tangible, identity isn’t.
-Sam Qureshi
When someone continues to be critical in your presence, that can lead to self-doubt. It can cause you to start asking yourself: “What’s wrong with me?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, “Why is this happening to me?”, or “Why am I not good enough?”.
The problem here lies in being indirectly conditioned to focus on the false reality that has been painted for you, which is “There’s something wrong with me”. It can make sense because if someone is pointing out a flaw, then it must be true, and it must mean that something needs fixing, and that something is less than ideal. However, in most cases, the flaw is false, or irrelevant if true.
This brings us to a very important point, even if the flaw is important to be addressed, it’s usually not their right to share it with you without your permission.
If someone gives you advice that involves criticism without asking for your permission first, that reveals a desperate need that they have to convey significance, which reveals an emotional wound they’re continuing to carry.
Their criticism doesn’t reveal what you need to fix, but what they need to heal. In other words, criticizing you doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, it just means that there’s something painful in them.
-Sam Qureshi
If someone affected you emotionally in a negative way, it would be in one of two ways: neglect or abuse. Abuse can be verbal, nonverbal, physical, or sexual. Unfortunately, people can underestimate the emotional impact of verbal and nonverbal abuse.
Let’s say that someone has been verbally abusive to you, that would be similar to them smashing the windshield of your car.
If they then come up to you an apologize, it might feel good, you might feel a bit better, but that does not change the fact that the car needs repairing.
When it comes to emotions, most of us would receive the apology, and continue to drive the car despite the presence of a smashed windshield.
If we believe that the apology would repair the damage inside of us, we would no longer be able to see it, but we would still be affected by it. After all, receiving an apology for what happened does not eliminate the emotional impact of what happened.
What’s interesting here is that most people
do not care about repairing the car as much as they care about receiving the apology. The reason is that they believe that the apology would resolve the conflict and heal the wound, which is not the case. An apology can help in resolving the conflict, and can help in healing, but it does not heal the wound.
In other words, what drives the need to receive an apology is the emotional pain we feel because of what happened.
-Sam Qureshi
Woh apne za’am mein tha, be-khabar raha mujh se
وہ اپنے زعم میں تھا، بے خبر رہا مجھ سے
Usay gumaan bhi nahin, main nahin raha us ka
اسے گماں بھی نہیں، میں نہیں رہا اُس کا
Humne tark-e-ta’alluq mein pehal ki ke Faraz
ہمیں نے ترکِ تعلق میں پہل کی کہ فرازؔ
Woh chahta tha, magar hosla na tha us ka
وہ چاہتا تھا، مگر حوصلہ نہ تھا اُس کا
احمد فراز ـــــ
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